There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
