I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
