wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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