Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
