During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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