How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
