just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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