I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
