So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
