im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Drunk is not a location!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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