your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
