i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
