no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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