So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
