I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
