I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
