I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
