You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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