I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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