So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
