He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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