i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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