Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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