i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
