I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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