Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
