the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize