u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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