Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
