I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
