remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
