Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
