I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
