I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
