I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
