Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
