My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
