whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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