I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
