omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
