You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize