She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
