she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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