Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
