More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ketchup is God's man juice
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
