drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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