dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
