Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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