i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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