He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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