He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
