he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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