I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
