if you like me you must not know who I am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
