I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
