According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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