He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
