I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
