Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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