i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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