I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
