I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
