So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
