im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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