maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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