Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
