alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
