We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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