im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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